and once again i set myself up for failure. It will always be her. It will never be me. Until i accept that I wont be able to move on. If i didnt hate myself so much i wouldnt have this problem But then i realize that a part of me still wants you to want me even though i know you wont ever want me back.
here we go again
its been MONTHS since everything happened. I still think of you everyday and i hate myself for it. last week i saw you for the first time since november. Needless to say, i cracked like an egg falling from a counter. I wanted you so badly, i missed you immensely and you said that you missed me too. But words only mean so much. I keep getting stringed along in this stupid little game of yours and...
I feel empty. I’m alone even though I’m surrounded by so many people. And it should hurt a fucking lot. And sometimes it does and I cry and I feel like garbage and hate myself even more. But then it stops. I’ve prepared myself for every disappointment I’ve ever encountered. I’m so empty
some things will never change.
I’m exhausted. I don’t know what to do with you. I know i shouldn’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth, but im afraid i will
I was ready to be with you in so many ways. I wanted to date you, i wanted to spend time with you, i wanted al those happy go lucky moments with you, i just wanted you. Now i realize i’m just another fling. I’m just another girl. Nothing special. You probably didn’t even really like me that much, or maybe you didnt like me at all. And this is the sad part, i was CONSTANTLY...
I hope you know that..
you didn’t scare me off. Not even close. Just know that If you’re self destructive, I will be there as long as you want me there.
Have completely turned my world upside down. I want you, but at the same time I don’t. I am indecisive about what I want from you. I am envied by many because of you. Its like I’m intimidated by the thought of being with you. Despite what people think, it isn’t because of your long and complicated history with other girls, it’s because of the thought of you. I feel inferior...
I just can't
I can’t be with you. You don’t deserve to be with me. I am way too insecure and not being around you for a couple days is bringing out this side of me that I’ve been trying to avoid. I feel like crap about myself and I miss you, but I’m afraid you don’t miss me or want me back. You shouldnt want to be with someone who cant even stand herself
I don’t have anyone. I don’t have that one person I can depend on no matter what. I have myself. I have only me. Sometime its hard knowing that I am always going to be second to someone else. I wish it wasn’t like that, but at the same time it reminds me about how independent i’ve become. By being alone, i’ve learned how to not rely on anyone but myself and for that I...
I dont know how I manage to put up with so much crap from my friends. Somedays I actually have no idea how I don’t break and just yell at them how unreasonable they are. Just because you feel like shit, do not take it out on me. Just because you’re miserable, does not give you the right make everyone around you feel the same. Everyone deserves to be selfish sometimes, but there is a...
I Am Utterly Terrified
You scare the shit out of me. For 18 years, I’ve been independent. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I have absolutely no clue. For years I have created these giant walls to protect me from people of your kind. For years, people have tried to tear them down and get through, but it fails every single time. The walls have trapped me in a confined space of bitterness and...
What the hell
Actually just happened. Was that a fucking dream?
I’ve been so self concious lately. everything and everyone is reminding me of my insignificance and insecurities. I hate it. I am my own critic but everyone is around me is adding fuel to the fire. I despise myself for allowing myself to feel this way. I dont know if i will ever be able to forgive myself and those around me.
Now i know
how it truly feels to be alone. I understand how it feels to know that at the end of the day, you dont have anyone. People lie to you and let you down, and the work feeling ever is knowing that the one person that you though would always be there for you, the one person who you thought you could trust, is a liar. I just realized recently that i dont have anyone. I dont have the “best...
I really wish
that you didnt have to come into my life and fuck everything up. Thanks a lot I really appreciate you doing that to me. You’re fuckin great
There comes a point in life when you realize a lot of things. Just out of no where, no incidents instigating. Just one day you’ll be sitting down and something hits you. Today I realized who I want in my life. I’m so sick of the countless bullshit that my apparent “best friends” put me through. I’m tired of you not listening to me and never considering what I’d like. I’m tired of listening you...
I adore you, yet I despise you. Those together result in my emptiness. An emotionless body, with no more to say.
emptiness surrounds me
its the middle of the night…. I’m wide awake, and thoughts are running through my mind. I finally have what I’ve always desired, yet it feels like I’ve done something wrong. This feeling of conflict leads me to wonder, does the end truly justify the means? Is happiness even worth all this trouble?
I wish you'd do more
All you do is stare and yet that seems to be it.
you're all the same, with your foolish games
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.– Confucius (via pulmo)
There is nothing worse than realizing that the people closest to you, are constantly competing with you. You are supposed to be supporting me, telling me I can do whatever, and keeping my motivation high, not trying to out do me, and competing with me, with whatever I want.
I smile because I have too, not because I want too
I've never wanted anything more than I want you...
i wish you wanted me back
I’m fearful for the future, and I’m fearful for the past cause these days, life is torture. and fear is the only thing that seems to last